Directed by: Peter Collinson

Starring:  Michael Caine, Noel Coward

Ah, the perfect crime.  Four million dollars in gold up for grabs. Every detail planned, escape routes noted, backup plans made.  And the planner tossed over a cliff in his flashy sports car, courtesy of the Mafia.

Of course, this guy even has a plan (and instructional film) ready in case of death.  And that’s where Charlie Croker (Michael Caine) steps in.

Fresh out of prison, Charlie’s prepared to embark on an Italian job.  Picked up from the clink in a stolen car by his girl Lorna (Margaret Blye), Charlie has just enough time to visit the tailor and have a nice welcome-back party before his briefing on the job.  To Charlie’s surprise, instructions about the job are delivered by the planner’s widow, and he’s no longer just part of the gang – he has to lead the heist.

Charlie can gather the gang, but he also has to get the funds together for training and travel.  For this he has to persuade Mr. Bridger (Noël Coward) to back the job.  Which involves breaking into a lavatory, and then a little luck with a well-timed news article regarding a multi-million dollar deal for China to back a Fiat plant.  There’s a guarantee of gold, a program in place to hack the computer-controlled traffic system in Turin and an Italy-England football match in place to cover the presence of the Brits running the job.  All they have to do is dodge the cops and the Mafia and they’re good to go.

The second half is the most entertaining bit, covering transport car training (e.g. crashing a lot of Mini Coopers), the nervous heist crew arguing about who’s going to sit in the back of the motorcar, a Land Rover creeping through tiny Italian alleys like a stealthy beast, and three hot getaway cars being tossed over a cliff.  Oh, and there’s also that legendary car chase, with the Mini Coopers racing down sidewalks (and one of the heisters snatching a Cornish hen off an unsuspecting sidewalk café patron’s plate), up ramps, over the rooftops, through the sewers, and pretty much on any terrain they can.

If you:

• Like Ocean’s 11/12/13
• Like car stunts and chases
• Find the idea of 1960s computers being run by what look like giant spools of film amazing
• Like an action film that’s witty but not slapstick

Put it in the queue!

If you:

• Can’t imagine a G-rated film being entertaining to anyone over the age of 5
• Never side with the ‘bad guys’
• Get panic attacks at the mere thought of a traffic jam, much less watching a full-blown traffic cluster with horns honking, etc.

Don’t put it in the queue.

Directed by: Julie Anne Robinson

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara, Daniel Sunjata

About four years ago, I became familiar with Stephanie Plum’s Trenton, NJ.   The eighteen novels – plus several ‘between the numbers’ novellas – have all been books I enjoyed to various degrees.  So I was definitely in the target audience when One For the Money was adapted for the silver screen.

Stephanie (Katherine Heigl) falls into the bounty hunting profession by sheer necessity.  Downsized from her job as a lingerie department manager, she is behind on her bills, relieved of her car, and past due on her rent. She needs some financial stability quick, and would prefer to find another job rather than troll for a husband (much to her mother’s dismay).

Her last resort for employment is in her cousin’s bail bonds office, tracking down people who fail to appear (FTA) at their court dates. Fortunately, there is one big fish for Stephanie to catch with a fat $50,000 capture fee.  Even sweeter is the identity of this skip – Joe Morelli (Jason O’Mara), who once broke her heart.  She got even by breaking his leg with her car, but revenge is best when served again, right?  Especially if it’s lucrative?  Of course!

Stephanie doesn’t initially own a gun, can’t shoot, unashamedly approaches the ‘hos on Stark Street looking for information, and nearly gets assaulted in an MMA cage as she questions the looney tunes fighter Benito Ramirez (Gavin-Keith Umeh) about his missing girlfriend.  On the plus side, her first capture is relatively easy to apprehend (though he is an elderly male neighbor who believes in staying in the natural, unclothed state in which he was born, even on the way to the police station to reschedule his court date), she gets some shooting lessons and help on a few captures from expert and very attractive bounty hunter Ranger (Daniel Sunjata), and Morelli actually helps save her bacon a few times.

As a devoted fan, I really enjoyed this movie because it did an AMAZING job with casting.  Even though I think Betty White probably would have been better as Grandma Mazur, Debbie Reynolds was convincing as this quirky character.  Ana Reeder had Connie’s hairdo, cleavage and attitude portrayed to a T.  Vinnie Plum – who I’d always imagined as looking somewhat like Leisure Suit Larry – was all I’d expected via Patrick Fischler.  And I really liked Katherine Heigl as Stephanie Plum though I thought she could do with fewer pairs of heels and a couple more pounds on her frame.  I also heard a lady a couple rows back complaining Stephanie wouldn’t have been wearing the necklace they put on her for the film.

Much like I expect secret passageways and a car chase from an Indiana Jones movie, One For the Money also included a couple scenes with Stephanie’s hamster Rex and most of the classic gags from the series:

• Stephanie having to drive Uncle Sandor’s giant blue Buick
• A vehicle Stephanie had recently been driving getting destroyed
• Grandma Mazur doing something humorously ridiculous (such as accidentally turning a roast chicken into target practice)
• Ranger calling Stephanie ‘babe’ and Morelli calling her ‘cupcake’

The only thing I was really missing was some Cluck in a Bucket and a box of donuts. Maybe next time.

I have no idea how long it will be until One For the Money will be available in the queue since it’s still in major theaters.  If you already know you don’t like this book series and don’t really care for goofy female quasi-crime fighters, I’m not sure why you’d bother to go see it.  Unless you have a strange compulsion to see all films in which John Leguizamo has at least a minor role.

p.s. Shout out to Heather Purdum, who was a sport and went to see this movie with me.  Even though I nearly lost the parking pass.