Santa's Slay


The old bait and switch.  You know what I mean, you go into the store for some Halloween decorations, costumes  and candy, and you notice there's already Christmas wreaths and wrapping in the aisle right behind it.  Santa's Slay masterfully employs this technique from the very beginning. It's not as scary as the title might suggest, but it is certainly a bloody good time.

The movie opens on a Christmas dinner with the likes of James Caan, Chris Kattan and Fran Drescher sniping at each other over a leathery holiday dinner.  This will not be your actual star studded cast, (either to your relief or dismay), but a vignette introducing you to Santa.

Ah, Santa. You also might have believed he Santa is a kindly old angel, gleefully distributing gifts to good little girls and boys. Not so much.  Former pro wrestler Bill Goldberg brings Santa to life as a bringer of holiday fear who drives a sleigh pulled by a buffalo and delights to deliver a boot to the head (or a sharpened candy cane to the eyeball) to, well, anyone who gets in his way.

A glorious Claymation™  interlude explains that Santa is actually a son of Satan, who typically celebrated December 25th with killing people.  He lost a bet to an angel and consequently had to be good (for goodness sake) for a thousand years and bring happiness and gifts on December 25th instead of death.  Unfortunately, the thousand years are up, and Santa is on the rampage again.

There is an actual plotline centering around Nick Yuleson (Douglas Smith) and his kooky Christmas-hating, basement bunker-building, gadget-inventing grandpa (Robert Culp).  Aided by Nick's friend Mac (Emilie de Ravine), they must stop Santa before he resumes his Yuletide killing sprees. They realize early Santa's tough – a mere shotgun won't stop him – so they have to find another way to bring him down.  The sport of curling, a nutcracker, and a skeet shooting club with a bazooka all figure into the mix.

More comedy than horror, pretty much all the gore in this movie is in good fun.  Really the only thing scary in this movie is Fran Drescher.

Some other highlights include:

  • Old people swearing
  • Santa's rampage in a strip club
  • Santa delivering a Goldberg-style spear through a deli counter
  • Santa driving a Zamboni
  • The credits – they will tell you who's been naughty or nice
  • A plethora of bad jokes and even worse puns.  Such as Santa picking up A Christmas Carol in the school library and wisecracking "Bet this will scare the Dickens out of them," before throwing a gas grenade.

Give yourself an early Christmas present and watch this movie during the Halloween season.

Written by Jennifer Venson